I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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