No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
