VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
