I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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