I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
