just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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