on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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