Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
