I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
