There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
