ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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