Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
