Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
