you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
