Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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