Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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