yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
