My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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