Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
