The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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