Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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