I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
