The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
