Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
