Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
