you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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