Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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