went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
