Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
