She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
