I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
