My friends, they love my intelligence
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
