how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
