Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
