i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
