so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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