What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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