Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my poor anus
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
