The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
