What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
