The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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