Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
