does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
