also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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