You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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