Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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