u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
