I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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