this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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