New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
