you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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