One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
