Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
