I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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